Hot weather and Psalms

I do not do well in heat. I like the cold, and can function very well in it. Heat however zaps my energy and I don't sleep well. But we are here to be tested in all circumstances not just those we're good at getting through, so of course for the past two days we have had heat up in the 100's. It was 85 degrees at 11 PM last night. That's really hot.

My husband and I also argued about something and I couldn't let it go. And as a further weakness when I get mad about something he has done I seem to then pile ALL of our problems up on top of each other and also bring those up at times like these. I know a really great weakness to have right?

So on Tuesday

1. It's hot
2. I'm mad at my husband
3. I am feeling all the problems I am facing right now and thinking woe is me, and that my husband doesn't care about any of the problems. (which is not true, but I was irrational at this point.)
4. I am sleep deprived because not only am I not sleeping well in the heat, my baby isn't either.

These four things just kept circling each other bringing me down into this negative downward spiral.

Not very spirit inducing is it?

Later in the evening I finally realized my faults our disagreement, and that I needed to let go of the other problems I dragged into our argument and my husband does care about them, but we could work those out later. And I realized my lack of sleep and the heat was making things worse for me to handle this particular situation. However it's very hard for me to forgive myself and ask for forgiveness from my husband, because I feel I should know better and not make such mistakes. Especially mistakes I have made more than once before.

So I turned to the scriptures. Psalms to be exact.

Now I hadn't really read through much of Psalms other than where they are extracted and used in other parts of the scriptures, and sometimes a speaker/teacher would incorporate a Psalm into their lesson. But what a glorious book of scripture! David was actually my solace at this time reading through Psalm 51 where he is asking for forgiveness of his sins.

Psalm 51: 1-2, 7-10
"1. Have mercy upon me, O God, according to they lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.
2. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.
7. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
9. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.
10. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me."

I feel as if David is pleading for forgiveness, and he was willing to do ANYTHING to get clean again. I also like that he knows it's not his own actions that will gain him this forgiveness, it's the Lord alone that can create in him a clean heart and a right spirit.

I thought of my sins, and I felt my heart melting inside letting go of that pride. I finally wished for that same cleansing for myself and unity with my husband again. I too, wanted to do anything to be clean again. I knew any of my own or any others' means couldn't give me this purity again. Only the Lord could create in me a clean heart and right spirit.

And guess what? After asking for my husband's and the Lord's forgiveness I did feel that cleansing, the gift only God could give. How blessed I truly am.